Less is more. Another step in downsizing.

A few months ago I sifted through my clothes and set aside a third of my wardrobe. The plan was to put them away for a while and whatever stayed in the box would be sold/donated the next time I clean the apartment. Today was the day to open up the box. It was only missing one item, a blouse I had used a few times and decided to keep. I added some more items, including a pair of heels I’ve worn maybe once, and set off to the thrift shop. Unfortunately, it barely made a dent in the grand sty I call my apartment. My ideal plan is to get rid of three quarters of my possessions. It’s hard, going from a place where stuff means so much to realizing it isn’t stuff that matters. And the stuff I care so much about is making me sadder than I need to be. I don’t want to live as a mass consumer anymore. Too much of my behavior is dictated by powers unknown to me. I want control over my behavior and that starts by rejecting the powers that be. Read more. Shop less. Have conversations. Text less. Live a simpler, happier life.

-E.

Losing Touch. Losing Focus.

Life gets busy. What can you do but let it happen. Life gets busy, and life goes on. How many times will I put my pen down to get lost in life. Minimum wage jobs, to save for a future I have yet to plan. Committing to 35 hours a week when I promised myself 25 max. How many times will I restart, tell my readers I’m back, I’m better and here to stay. I’m not. I can’t be until I just am. I will try again, and again. This time with a yellow legal pad and Ordinary Genius by Kim Addonizio.

A poem from my collection:

The further I walk through the garden

The more flowers I find

Their beauty is magnificent

Still I set them aflame

I pray one day I will burn with them

-E.

Get out.

From my collection:

I want

nothing more than

To get away, but

I cannot seem to

Step through the door.

Living with anxiety and depression is a constant battle. Finding the courage to step outside the door with hundreds of voices telling you that you aren’t worth the effort to go anywhere. But I have a secret for you. Getting out the door will give you the confidence you need to get down the road. That chain reaction will build your defense against the voices. So get out! Make a difference for yourself!

-E.

Get up.

It’s easy, giving up. Getting back up when you fall, that’s hard. And being an adult means you fall a lot. Now we are faced with a choice. Do you want to lie here. Given up. Defeated. Do you want to lie here and cry over your sorrows and misfortune. Or, do you want to stand. Fight the fury. Climb the mountains. Build anew. My advice, be brave. Be that what scares the shit out of you.

A poem from my collection:

When the sun subsides

And the moon makes its way to stage

The song begins

Wind whistles through the mess of skyscrapers

I twirl once, twice under the starlight of night

Breathe in the ballad of stillness

Of quiet

It’s okay to cry now

Tomorrow I can be strong again

 

-E.

 

 

 

 

 

The Last Jedi?

**SPOILER** Shame on you if you haven’t seen it yet!

Prepare yourselves ladies and gents, for the most unqualified movie review known to man! My goal here is to give you the best review I can, for those nonprofessional movie lovers. I’m talking people who get the plot, they get the meta, they even get the meta meta. However, beyond that, we are just receptacles shoveling ‘entertaining’ crap sent from the beautiful people in Hollywood into our nacho and popcorn filled bellies. With that being said, I hope you enjoy my critique.

Yes! In a technical sense, Star Wars: The Last Jedi is an entertaining movie. The music, as always, engages you in such a way that you feel a part of a world unlike your own. The imagery is so realistic, it’s hard to believe it’s just 0s and 1s. But where the heck did the plot go? It is very clear to me that when the baton was somewhat reluctantly passed, the old plot was thrown away. There is a slight transition, where we see background characters begin to take a bigger spotlight, General Hux, being the best example. We also see a turn in the relationship of Rey and Kylo Ren. A commonality between opposite ends of the force. Is a romance brewing? Possibly? I sure hope so! I am not complaining about these changes, the movie is still entertaining. It’s Star Wars, it’s always going to be entertaining.

What I am complaining about is the lack of jedi fighting. Come on! That is the coolest part of the whole franchise. Yes, we see Rey do some pretty cool rock tricks with Skywalker, but I don’t recall that much tip to tip action. Get your filthy minds out of the gutter! I’m talking about lightsabers! I liked the bits and pieces we did get but think about it this way. What would Harry Potter have been like with a total of 10 mins of wand action? A waste. That’s what. There is no reason to have this little lightsaber action. CGI is better than it’s ever been, and what, are they saving it for some inexplicable reason? What happened to the good old days where yoda kicked some sith ass with flippy floppy jedi force skill. Here is my suggestion, focus on Rey and Kylo, the connection between them is incredible and put me on the edge of my seat. Throw in a solid 30 mins of light saber face time trickled throughout the 8 hr movie. And boom! Great movie!

Now, the title, well that’s something else ain’t it. Major foreshadowing there, Luke is making his way out of the story, along with other OG’s, to allow a new generation in. However, he clearly is not the last jedi. I mean, come on Johnson, did you forget the plot of Men Who Stare At Goats. The force continues on, the jedi continue on. No, here they meant that the old Jedi is gone and a new jedi is making its way into the light. Ha! Puns. I think we all knew this, but who knows maybe an uninformed ‘hipster’ is reading this and they don’t actually know anything about Star Wars. I don’t know much about Star Wars, but I’m not an idiot.

There were many great moments throughout the movie, here are my personal favorites:

1. Kylo and Rey’s secret conversation being shattered by Skywalker’s ego (can you say cockblock)
2. Vice Admiral Hodo’s heroic moment splitting Snoke’s ship with the use of lightspeed
3. Every time General Hux was made fun of
4. When Yoda destroyed the Jedi temple, and then wiggled his ears
5. Rey’s mirrored moment

I hope you enjoyed my review, and I do wish that I did not insult you in any way. Just kidding, I don’t care. Now for the final ranking moment… I rank this film: 4 bananas out of 5 apples.

-E.

Antidepressants

The clouds collect over the bay as fall blends into winter here in Washington. While the wind and rain brings cozy sweaters and pumpkin spice everything, it also brings your temporarily lost friend – depression. I for one have felt my depression take the spotlight for the last few weeks. This year however, I am fighting back, and I thought I might share a few of my go-to cures for the autumn blues.

1. Wood scented candles: for a girl living in the city you miss out on a lot of old country charm. I’ve always loved the smell of freshly cut wood, a fire in the fireplace on a snowy day, and pine. Naturally I lean towards sandlewood, and tobacco for my scented candles. They remind me of a simpler time in my childhood, when the whole house was filled with the warmth of freshly burnt wood in the furnace. Nothing can replace the calming feature of a flickering flame, with that being said, I fully support wax lamps, and oil diffusers. The main point here is to create a relaxing environment.

2. Yoga: I am quite a hypocrite when it comes to this one, I have a habit of not making habits. Good ones at least. However, when I am able to get myself down to the gym for yoga, the rewards are incredible. My mood instantly turns, my breathing relaxes and I am ready to take on anything.

3. A good book: I have a tendency to read upsetting things about war, and death, but when I am in need for a lift I try and avoid those depressing topics. Instead I turn to Malcolm Gladwell, Ksenia Anske, and This I Believe. These are all great options when you need a change of scene. Malcolm Gladwell has this amazing ability to make you feel like you can accomplish anything, by telling you true stories of people just like me, making a name for themselves. Ksenia Anske, offers something a bit different. Her books are more fantastical and dreamy. They paint pictures in my head of another more colorful world, and take me out of my gray scale one. This I Believe, a gift from my mother is filled with personal essays about standing up for what you believe in and living your life fully and honestly. I strongly recommend these, and if you click on the links it will take you right to amazon, in case you want to try them out.

4. A shower: never underestimate the power of a good shower. A little morsel of knowledge: a hot shower is great for anxiety, and a cold one is great for depression.

5. A nice cup of tea: I often go for a herbal blend. Here are my favorites: Kava Stress Relief, Teavana Peach Tranquility, Yogi Cinnamon Berry, and Celestial Lemon Zinger. It’s a great help when I wind down after work, or easing into the day while I do yoga.

6. Play with an animal: if you are pet less like me, this one could be tricky. I have found a way around it though, I have a friend who is always up to sharing her dog as a therapy dog, and on top of that, I’m a pet sitter and walker! It’s super easy and you make so many furry friends!

7. A homemade meal: I am not a good cook but I like to try. At some point I’m sure I’ll share a cooking adventure with you. Sometimes if I’m feeling down and I know I want to eat something bad, I cook something instead. I’ve made garlic noodles, roasted vegetables, pork. You name it! It’s not always successful but it does put me in a better, more creative mood.

8. Hugs: though they aren’t for everybody, I for one am a big supporter. In the movie Temple Grandin, the lead, based on a real person, invented her own hugging machine for when she felt stressed from her autism. I think it is true for a lot of people, that nice tight hugs give us a sense of security and warmth.

That is all I have for you today, but if you have some ideas of your own, please comment below. I love to hear from my readers and I’m always open to new ideas!

-E.

Mantras.

Very recently I have been struggling with my patience. I was letting little things that are out of my control get me upset. The little things were building up and making me more anxious than usual, and worse, angry. I hate getting angry, my palms are sweaty, my head feels heavy, and I feel wrath to my very core. Then one day I just stopped and told myself to step back and look at what’s really going on. I analyzed the roots of my frustrations and made a list of ‘mantras’ to recite when I feel myself losing patience. As I was writing the mantras I felt a weight leave my shoulders. I took a deep breath and let go. Below are the mantras I came up with. I challenge you, as my friend, to make your own.

• You are not in control, and that’s okay.
• You cannot change others, only yourself.
• Focus your energy on your own actions, not negativity.
• You are worth it, all of it.

Repeat

I hope these help you as much as they do for me!

-E.

 

My Story.

The first, last straw.

Learning to love your anxiety and depression is an excruciating process. I remember as a child, feeling confused and misunderstood. I didn’t know why some kids were able to go through the day without needing a break, or time to cry it out (“it” of course being nothing). In high school, when I began therapy, I finally had a name for this feeling I had all the time. I learned different techniques to help keep my anxiety under control, and was finally able to relax. My favorite technique was Darth Vader breathing. All you have to do is cup your hands around your mouth and breath like Darth Vader. It’s super easy, and the best part was that it was funny so it took your mind off of what you were worried about to begin with. Then college rolled around and my anxiety decided it needed more attention. I had trouble focusing in class and would leave early because I could feel a panic attack brewing. I was never an “A” student, but all of a sudden my average status wasn’t enough for me. Every quiz, exam, and essay was followed by shallow breathing, tears, and a desperate phone call to my family.

When medication is the right call.

I was always afraid of taking medication. I knew that my family history had substance abuse and I didn’t want to be next. I made the choice to give medication a try when I realized that my freshman year of college was too much for me to handle alone. I spoke to my therapist and we decided to try a light dose of anti-anxiety medication to stabilize my moods while I work through the root of my anxiety. I promised myself I wouldn’t abuse the medication, and instead take notes, learning from the whole experience.

I’m not going to lie, it was hard. The side effects were strong at first and I needed to change my lifestyle a bit to accommodate the pills. After I was in a comfortable place with the medication, things began to look up. I didn’t feel helpless anymore. I could sleep, and focus in class. Altogether my mood was balanced, and I was able to work harder in therapy. I stayed on the medication for as long as I needed. When I felt strong enough emotionally I worked my way off the drug. The transition was easy, for others it can be very difficult.

Listen to your body.

In December of my junior year of I began to feel my anxiety come back. I was losing my focus and concentration again. Worst of all, I was losing time. If you’ve done any research or studies in psychology you know that losing time is a huge red flag. I knew that, but I ignored it. After weeks of saying “Woah, I don’t remeber driving here”, or “How fast was I going”. I should have talked to someone about it, but I didn’t, and paid dearly. I got in a car accident after losing time while driving. Everyone was okay, but I learned a valuable lesson. Listen to your body, do not ignore it. I was lucky. I held myself together the best I could after the accident. In August I sought out a new therapist and looked into trying medication for a second time. I started to use a different brand of medication and the side effects were incredibly strong. I couldn’t notice the changes at first but my depression worsened with the new pill. I stayed in bed all day, I made it to work most days but avoided school and people as much as possible. When I finally broke down and told my family and therapist, we realized it was the medication, so we lowered my dosage and added an anti-depressant. My moods stabilized, but I had a lot of work to do.

Where am I now?

I still have a lot of work to do, possibly even more than before. But after going through these experiences I’ve learned some things about my mental health. I’ve learned to appreciate my anxiety and treat it as a part of me. I know now that I need to respect my weaknesses or else I will become them.

What’s your story?

-E.

Seattle 2.0

Guess what!!! More pictures! Below are all the pictures of my adventures in Seattle up until this very moment in St. John’s bar where I am enjoying some delicious tomato soup!

Volod and I have been trying to go to new places and he loves rooftop bars! This was taken on the roof of MBar! It was a bit too pricey for us minimum wage children but the bartender had some real impressive moves. 10/10

After a long day of work, Volod surprised me with a visit to the University of Washington. The campus was beautiful! We took a little bike ride around and then stumbled upon their art gallery. They were kind of between exhibits but nevertheless what they had was beautiful.

Our anniversary popped up and we splurged a little bit. I convinced Volod to get brunch at Fados….it was so amazing! Everyone must go! Then we had dinner at Sky City….in the space needle ya’ll. It’s safe to say we are so broke now haha! But we were celebrating so I say that’s okay!

This blurry photo of a photo is a great representation of the end of my 22nd birthday.

We went all over Seattle that day! Our last stop was at the Unicorn bar with my friend Ben. I schooled him at pinball then called it a night!

We went to Gelatiamo to get my favorite rice gelato.

We went to Twice Sold Books in the morning and snuggled some cats. I read somewhere that they let cats just wander around while you look at the books, I just looked at the cats. 

 

We walked by a Farmers Market and Volod insisted on buying me flowers! What a gentleman!! 

 

One random weekend we went to Bellevue for an arts fair and stumbled upon this cool sushi restaurant. A conveyor belt went through the restaurant and you just grabbed what looked good. It was super inexpensive and delicious.

 

When we first moved here they were still building our apartments so a lot of features were unavailable. However, recently they opened the second rooftop! The wifi isn’t so great up there but the view is amazing. It’s great to just go up there and unplug!

 

 

A few weeks ago there was a dragon festival in the international district (which is where we live, and I work right in the center). We missed the first day, but the second day had a cosplay contest, parade, amazing food, and so much more.

We went to the Seattle Beer Festival and a woman came up to Volod and said he looked a lot like Leonardo DiCaprio, so I snapped a picture to let you guys be the judge.

 

The Beer Fest took place on Maureen Day, so I made sure to swing by Mickey D’s to have my annual Coke. For anyone who doesn’t know, My aunt Maureen died of ovarian cancer when I was in high school. So in her memory my family has two days dedicated to her every year. The main tradition we have is to grab a meal and a soda at McDonald’s (her favorite place to grab a snack, all the way to the end). 

I can honestly say I’ve forgotten what museum this was. But it was cool.

Volod and I are more of the small group type of people, but we decided to go to the Gas Works Park on the Fourth of July to see the fireworks anyways (It’s one of the more popular spots to watch fireworks). There were a lot of people and the lines were super long. We got a drink and some food and were home by 7pm. Luckily we had a great view of the fireworks from our roof so we got to enjoy them in our pajamas.

 

 

I have no sense of direction so we randomly found the famous Troll by accident. It was really cool and there were so many people taking pictures with it. 

 

Enter a caption

 

Once a month the Boeing Museum of Flight opens its doors for free. We took full advantage! It was super busy but the airplanes were so cool. Not to mention they had just opened a space exhibit. We are definitely going to go back soon.

 

 

I hope my random and out-of-order gallery of Seattle wasn’t too bad. Have a great Tuesday my lovelies!

 

-E.

 

 

So much has happened

It’s hard to know where to start. So like most things, I will wing it! When we arrived in Seattle we spent every second finding and settling into our new home. It took a while, and a lot of stress but we ended up getting lucky with what we found. We’ve done so much since we got here and below are some photos of our life so far in Seattle, WA.

Riding the ferry was definitely a high point!

We’ve been to a few breweries, and so far red hook is probably my favorite.

We live super close to Chinatown, and they have a park there with a bunch of games you can play. It’s so cool!

I learned super quickly that Italian Soda is huge here! And it’s delish!

We walked through the sculpture park on our way to Pike Place Market.

They had so many goodies!

Under the market was the famous gum wall.

We stumbled upon the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation

They had an exhibit based on the book Half the Sky, which is one of my favorites.

We took a walk through the glass museum

And went up the Space Needle

We were lucky enough to be some of the first to see the Terracotta Soldiers

And then walked through a butterfly room

One day we took a drive up Mount Rainier. It was a bit pricey but so worth it!

Until next time..

-E.